My new journey can be counted from the day i came to China, with a very new environment.
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I am now having a vey different mind set. Two months in China makes me change a lot, and i am changing. It is not the outlook which is counted as a change, because i almost look the same; it is the thinking that is changed.
In about 60 days, i had passed a lot of things that i never had to face before. I can feel my fear sometimes, and i can feel my boredom, sometimes.
It is not just when i realize i just pretend and try to keep me think that i like somebody, then feel really upset when knowing that person is just using me...
It is not really just the feeling of being lost because i don't know what i want, i cannot feel anything including sadness, happiness, anger, upset, excitement ...
It is not pretending to be a "normal" person with all the kind of behaviors...
Sometimes i don't really know what is really important to me...
I just do like i don't really know that somebody want to take advantages of me....
I just do like i am always not able to control my emotion...
I just do like i am normal...
But...
I don't really care about that person that's why i am weird... i just don't know how to pretend anymore...
I don't know how my reaction is when i am sad, happy, upset, angry, or excited
I don't know how i am when i have all the normal feeling again... or how i was when i had them...
I am looking for something...
